Comfortably Numb

Weekend

2006-09-26T16:45:00.000-07:00

This past weekend my coworkers and I went to Fire and Ice in Back Bay. I have never been there and it was decent, though I have to say my favorite part was the bar. Let me just start off by saying that I get off work at 4:30 and the reservation was for 6. Myself and one other coworker went straight after work just b/c there was no point in going home since I live an hour away. So I figure it is a good idea to sit at the bar and have A drink. A drink turned into 4 while I was waiting for the rest of our group to show up. My drink of choice was of course grey goose martini extra dirty. Apparently vodka + antibiotics makes me even drunker than usual.Yes I know alcohol cancels out the antibiotics but hey the alcohol was just calling me. Plus I am not a good pill swallower so the actual process of taking the antibiotics is just making me sicker. Anyways moving on. So I was good and drunk when everyone got to Fire and Ice. I ate hardly anything b/c I decided alcohol was a better choice for dinner. I know, I know I am a winner! haha I was the amusement for the night dropping F bombs left and right. I think many of my coworkers were caught off guard b/c I do not swear at work at all! I try to keep it professional but after work I am like a part-time sailor. I ended up missing my train home so I had to take a freaking cab from Framingham and it cost me a lot of money. But it was fun going out with people from work, I don't feel like the new girl anymore which I hate. haha

"Hurts the In-Betweens

2006-09-24T17:41:00.000-07:00

So I came to a realization this weekend. I have become that relative that asks you the stupidest questions and makes you want avoid family functions at all costs. My cousins who are 8 and 4 came from Wisconsin this weekend. I stayed at my grandmother's house just for the convenience factor. So they arrive and I go to hug my 8 year old cousin Connor and I was like I know you don't want me to hug you but tough shit I am going to anyways. He said "Yea I know my mom told me I have to let everyone hug me and just smile and nod". hahaha So then I am hanging out with just the 2 of them and the little one had books and she said she can't read them all yet. So I said "Con can you read" He gave me the dirtiest look and rolled his eyes and said "Ummm hello I am 8. Of course I can read, I am not retarded". I was like OMG I am that horrible relative that asks those questions. Like hello he is fucking EIGHT and I am asking if he can read. He then went on to tell me that he found out a new meaning for screw. I was like ummm ok. He's like well it can mean screw like as in one you would find at Home Depot or you can say I am screwed like as in trouble or the best one it can also be another way to say FUCK! I was like OMG where the hell did you learn that? He's like I mean come on I am 8. When I was 8 I was like playing fucking tea party with my little brother. haha Ok not really but I certainly wasn't saying fuck all over town and I sure as hell didn't know what it meant. Then he was playing "wrestling" with the kids next door and one of them went to basically knee him and my grandmother was like OMG don't do that to each other. Connor says yea def not b/c that kills sperm and that's the last thing we need. He comes out with some funny shit. He also informed everyone that he can not do splits like his sister bc it hurts the in-betweens. I almost lost it. I was laughing so fucking hard. The little one, Olivia, has been called Midge her whole life. Whenever people ask her why she screams at the top of her tiny little lungs "B/c I am a midget". It is the cutest little thing ever. haha They did so many more funny things but I can't remember them and I also don't want to totally bore you with little kid stories.

As you can imagine staying with my grandmother was quite the adventure. I decided to go down there on Thursday night just so that I could help her get the "party" together. She decided that my aunt would love to have all these people that she pretty much can't stand come over to greet her when she gets home from WI. haha Well she has always had this habit of telling people what they should do even when they do not want her advice. And she always starts it with "You know what you should do". My aunt hates when she does this and they usually end up fighting it out. So this time my grandmother was like "If I even start to say anything just elbow me in the ribs". I said Gram you will end up black and blue or have a broken rib bc the only way you will keep your damn mouth shut is if we gag you! She said yea I guess you are right.

The first night I went to bed around 12:30 am. She had me leave every light in the house on until I went to bed b/c I might fall down. I was like I am not 86 you are, I will be fine. So at about 8am she is screaming up the stairs, I mean SCREAMING. JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYY Are you up? I was like holy fuck this is the worst way to wake up in the morning. I was like yes. So I just lay there hoping the headache will go away. 5 minutes later she is screaming up again. JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYY Are you coming down here? Do you want a bran muffin? I am like yes I am coming down and No I don't want a bran muffin!!! Now I had told my grandmother that I had an alarm on my phone and could wake up on my own. This went on all 4 days I was there. So I went to Dunkin Donuts and she wanted a plain "donut stick", I was like it's a fucking crella! (how do you spell it, I have no idea) So I get back and they gave her a glazed one. I said oh I asked for plain. She's like well you wouldn't know the difference. I was like WTF does that mean! haha So then we continue talking and I said I couldn't sleep last night and I don't know why. She's like I know why. I am like umm ok fill me in. She says you are excited b/c you are having a sleepover at your grandmother's house. I fucking lost it. I was laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my face. She then realized that she sounded absolutely ridiculous and started dying laughing. I am like Gram I am 26 not 6. haha She forgets that all of us are grown up now. Is it sad when you have more fun with your grandmother than some of your so-called friends? Yea probably. haha But more on that later.

So on Saturday I take my grandmother down to Newport so we can go to lunch with my cousins. The whole lunch she is bitching about the prices of the food. Hello we were at one of the most expensive hotels in Newport of course the food is expensive. My aunt paid for everything anyways so who cares. She was like did you look at how much wine was? I said yea it was $7 a glass for the cheapest wine, which isn't bad considering. She almost stroked out. She was like HOLY SHIT. 7 dollars! SEVEN DOLLARS! I was like yes relax and shutup. If you are an avid reader you will remember she freaked about $3 wine in Cranston so you can see how $7 wine would make her just shoot herself in the face. She had no problem ordering lobster for lunch but the $7 wine was just too much. haha Then she says and how about you? I said what about me. She said ordering a god damned hamburger when you can eat lobster. I was like Jesus Christ relax, I don't like most seafood. She's like well ya know Mary is paying so you can take advantage! haha She is a total lunatic but it is funny hanging out with her!

So I get home to my grandmother's house and the phone is ringing. It was my aunt saying come back down here alone and we will go out and have a drink. So I get down there and we get a drink at the hotel bar. Now my aunt does not drink any more. We have the 1 drink and she is like let's get another. This went on well into 20 drinks. I was so fucking drunk. I don't drink much anymore much to everyone's surprise ( I don't know why. haha perhaps it is because I am notorious for being a raging alcoholic and throwing up on bars hahaha). There was a guy playing the guitar and singing and every song my aunt was like OMG I LOVE THIS SONG! It was so funny. When he was done she would clap like crazy and point at him and say you, you are GOOD! It was hysterical, even more hysterical to me at the time bc I was wasted. So all of a sudden she is like OMG I have to leave I have to leave. You can stay and drink whatever just sign my name to the bill, I don't care. I am like no I will go home. So I obviously call Bethany (my best friend) and she doesn't pick up b/c she is an asshole. haha So I left a message like saying something like I am going to call Andy(her fiancee) because he will find me home from Newport! Find me home? haha What is wrong with me. I had gotten myself lost and missed the bridge. How I missed a big fucking bridge I don't know. So I was in a fucking neighborhood in Newport. So I call Andy and he is like I can't help you I don't know Newport and I am drunk myself. He of course then got yelled at b/c he is worthless as usual. I object! haha This wedding is so not happening. And just side note at the time I drove home I was not completely shitfaced bc I switched it up with some water. Funny little thing, a Mr. TJ Hawkins called me a few years back and said I figure if I stay on the phone with you while I am driving while intoxicated I will make it home safe bc you are so good at it. God I was a mess in college. haha

I have a friend and her name is Napoleon Dynamite

2006-09-24T17:32:00.000-07:00

Saturday I went to the mall with Kella Bella. She is my very unique friend. I have never met a person like her in my entire life, no one even comes close. I am talking weirder then circus performers, people on the street etc. I love it! So we of course had to eat at Chic-Fil-A. OMG Chic-Fil-A is the best place on Earth. I totally heart. They have only 3 in MA so I never eat it. As it is we went to the Burlington Mall which is no where near my house. So we eat our Chic-Fil-A and Kel doesn’t finish all of her chicken nuggets. Most people would just throw them out right? Umm no! Kelly puts them back into their little box they come in and puts them…get ready for this…IN HER COAT POCKET!!!!! I kid you not; she put them in her pocket. I was like Kel you are so joking right? She was like no I heart Chic-Fil-A and I am going to save them for later! Hahahaha I almost died laughing. It was extremely funny. I was like you are going to smell like chicken all throughout this mall. She didn’t care; she hearts her Chic-Fil-A. Thank god we only went into a few stores after that. I am in Sephora and all I can smell is chicken nuggets. Kel I fucking love you!!!!! I seriously felt like I was hanging out with Napoleon Dynamite! Haha We went home and watched Must Love Dogs. Seriously the cutest movie I have seen in a long time!!! Go rent it right now. It is a chick flick but adorable, go now!

My Grandmother Knows Where to get wine for 99 cents...Jealous bitches?

2006-09-24T17:17:00.000-07:00

So I write a lot about my grandmother b/c she is a fucking riot. She is 87 years old and the first person I call when I am having a bad day b/c she makes me laugh my ass off. Now I took these from my myspace blog so a lot of them are old but still make me laugh.

Saturday I had to go to my funny funny grandmother's house. We ended up going to Marchettis. Apparently she goes there during the day with her friends. She wanted a glass of Pinot Grigio and asked how much it was. The waitress was like $3.95. She almost stroked out. She's like during the day it is 99 cents!!! The girl is like umm yea that is only on certain days. My grandmother is like forget it just water. I am like OMG get the freakin wine! She's like No way! 4 dollars hell no! I am like thank god you don't come out with me b/c you would keel over if you saw my bar tabs! So Big John (my dad) ends up telling the waitress to bring her the damn wine! I don't know why she was freaking out b/c obviously my dad is not going to let her pay. Haha She kept saying I can't wait to tell my friends about this one! I am like I bet that waitress is saying the same damn thing like crazy old lady wanting wine for 99 cents at dinner! Haha So then my dad got a new car. So she goes to get in the car and is wiping her feet on the ground. I immediately burst out laughing and she says Well I didn't want to get it dirty! OMG she makes me laugh. So final little ditty about Gram. My dad has a navigation system in his car. So he types in her address to show her how it works. Well we get near her house and it says You have arrived at your destination and says her address. She is like OMG is this thing going to say my name too? What if people just type in my address to find out who I am? I am like hey crazy no one cares who lives there! Haha I big heart my grandmother!!!!!

Comfortably Numb

2006-09-24T17:06:00.000-07:00

I am at a point where I am just comfortably numb. Do you ever get that way? I want more but don't know what, I want to leave but don't know where to go. It is an odd feeling that I can't shake. I am thinking a vacation will do me a lot of good. I need a week to just drink numerous martinis and just completely let my mind relax.

So I have a blog on myspace so I am going to copy and paste some of them over to blogspot. I comment on a couple of people's blogs and I feel it is my civic duty to let them read what goes on in my crazy head.